children.

So.. people talk about "birth control"....like what they use as their own personal form of "birth control".... well, here's a new one. Lemme paint you a picture. Beware, it may scare you...

You get pregnant at a young age (or unexpectedly). Of course, that's not what you wanted to happen, but it happens anyway. So, anywho.... You're pregnant. And, for whatever reason (you don't believe in abortion or adoption, you can't bear to get rid of the child...or whatever it maybe), you keep the baby. So, you're pregnant. You're pregnant for NINE MONTHS. NINE MONTHS a child is growing in you. NINE MONTHS. That's a long time for you to care for a human that you don't even know. You're ensuring a healthy creature comes out, right? RIGHT!

Meanwhile, suppose you get married. You marry the child's father (or who you think is the father...make this story your own. In my case, the man was my child's father). It's all happy go lucky at first. yeah, being grown-ups and making ends meet is hard, but you make it work-for your kid, right. Right! This kid that is growing inside of you. Yes.

Wanna know an interesting fact? More than half who marry in their teens WILL BE DIVORCED within 15 years. FACT! So, most likely (but not in all cases), you're soon divorced. Alone. With a child. Alone.

Or....Suppose you don't get married. Baby daddy denies you. Alone. Again. Alone. With a child. Alone.

ALONE. Get the picture. ALONE.

But one day, your child goes to daddy's for the weekend, week, or whatever. by this point, you're used to having your child around.

Remember, you carried this child for nine months. Made sure he/she was healthy for NINE months. Then, you went the birthing process which is not a fun one...ALL FOR THIS ONE LITTLE HUMAN BEING. Then, for weeks, it's just you.and.baby. YOU.AND.BABY.FOR.WEEKS. seriously. This kid has consumed your life. So now, we're at about a year (if not more) including pregnancy, birth, and staying home with baby. So, when baby is gone, what is left?

EMPTINESS. Pure loneliness. No matter who comes in and out of your life, where you live, who is in your bed, whatever the circumstance. You're lonely without your child. And it's sad. You will cry over and over and over and it never gets easier. Just imagine being all alone for hours and hours. And not alone in peacefulness. Alone in the world. It's sad. it's really sad.

No one likes to be alone. And when you have a kid, and you go without it, it's a sad lonely time. As I'm sure you guys can see, it's nearly 5am and I'm typing on a blog.

Wanna know why? I miss my Braxtyn so much. I have had a bad night. When I laid down, I just waited on her to come in my room at the same time to crawl in my bed and say, "Mommy, I just wanna lay witchu." That's all I want right now. And when she's here, of course I just want to go back to sleep and have my whole bed to myself. But when she's not here, I'm bawling my eyes out wanting her here. I don't know. It's so hard to explain. But, use this as your own birth control. Life after a child is never the same. there is no quiet, peaceful time. And where there's opportunity for some, you don't want it; you want your kid to want you and be with you. I'm not lying. It's happening to me right now.

So, if you read this entire thing, you're probably a mom who understands...bc anyone else is pretty much crazy for reading this long thing. oh well...

Goodnight....maybe.